Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
