I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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