we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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