The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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