Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
