yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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