1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
