oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
