My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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