So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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