the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
