just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
