dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
try to milk me bitch
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
