Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
