Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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