Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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