capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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