Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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