Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
