I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
