Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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