Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize