no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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