His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
