I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize