cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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