Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
