It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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