I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
