He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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