Are we in a gay sports bar?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
