Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
