Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
