So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
