Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
