Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
