so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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