I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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