how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
