he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize