They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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