Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
