I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
