i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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