im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
