is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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