and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
