Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
