The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize