wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
