It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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