I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
