don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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