Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
