dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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