I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
