Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
