yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
