As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
