The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
