i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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