Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
