Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is Oprah even human
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
