My nipple is on Facebook.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
