We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She even gives head with a lisp.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
