Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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