I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
