You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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