she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
