okay pat passed out under dana's car
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
