So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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