I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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