he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
