Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
