Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
