He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
40s are totally the cure
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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