my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
