last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
