I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize