I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize