She went from zero to smokin in five shots
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
