I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
