All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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