There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
