I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
