my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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