We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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