How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
