You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
50% drunk capacity currently
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
