Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
