mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sober January is a disaster.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize