he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
