I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
