omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
