Farmville is her only friend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
