Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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