Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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