My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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