I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
