I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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