i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize