just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tornado booty call.. dedication
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
