did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
